A mum admits she doesn’t want to see her children every day and says that doesn’t make her a “bad mum” – and spending time apart makes her a better parent.
Lucy Parker, 35, had felt “run into the ground” before sharing custody of her daughters – six and four – equally with her ex-husband, 35.
This means that Lucy, who runs her own business from home, has more time to get on top of work, as well as ‘filling’ her ‘cup’ with socialising, meetings and travelling.
She says not seeing her children 24/7 has made her a better parent – as she has “more energy” to be present when she’s around them.
When she shared her thoughts online, commenters said they were “heartbroken” and asked her “why did you have kids then?” but Lucy doesn’t want other parents to feel “shame” when they want a break.
Lucy, a freelance content creator and social media marketer, originally from Maidenhead, Berkshire, said: “It doesn’t mean you don’t love your children just because you don’t want to see them every day. My children don’t want to see me every day. I don’t think that makes me a bad mother – I don’t want to be with your kids 24/7.
“For the last six years, I have felt like I have not been fully present as a mother or a businesswoman. It’s been vital for both of us to be able to have that break,” says Lucy.
Lucy, who now lives in Perth, Australia, has always been “career driven” and didn’t want to “give up a career to have children”.
She said her ex-partner was always very supportive about it, but Lucy put pressure on herself as the main income earner.
Because her job was flexible, she often found herself juggling work and childcare.
Lucy said: “We just couldn’t catch a break. I lost money going back to a corporate job and looking after the kids.
“I have the skills to work from home and look after the children. It was also a blessing, but it completely knocked me down.”
Lucy pushed herself to come up with $26,000 in three months to move her family to Australia – after years of going back and forth between the UK.
She said: “I had to work every possible day. I didn’t ask for enough help.”
When the couple separated and decided to separate in October 2023, Lucy felt relief at the idea of co-parenting.
She said: “We said we would split care 50/50. As soon as that happened, I went “OMG, I’m going to take a break.”
Currently Lucy has children 60 per cent of the time, but her ex-husband will take extra days when their youngest starts school next year.
When her ex left in April 2024, she started taking days off – without seeing the kids.
Lucy said: “I used that week to just cry. All I did was face that healer head-on. It was definitely ugly – but the kids didn’t see me cry. I really needed to find out who I am now. I didn’t I know what I like to do. I went out and tried all these hobbies. I just want to sit quietly on a beach.”
Lucy is now able to use that time to catch up on work, explore hobbies and get back into the dating scene.
Lucy said: “That week I don’t have everything I can achieve and move forward. Now that I’m separated, I’ve started dating – I can do it when my kids aren’t around. It’s my time to do what I want to do. My dream has always been to travel and I had put it on hold. Now I can do that – just every week. I’m filling my cup. I can come home and tell you what mommy did this week. I have energy.”
Lucy says she is honest with her children about wanting them away from her.
She said: “They know mum doesn’t want to have them every day because she wants dad to have them. There the father offers different things – how can I deny him equal access to the children? What he offers is just as important.”
Lucy says she misses her children when they are with their father, but doesn’t call them when they are there as it would be “worrying” and “worrying” for them.
She said: “The children get this beautiful mix of both parents who have spent the week filling their cup. We joke that people just have to get married, have children and divorce. Now my children have two happy homes .”
But Lucy has faced backlash online for her honesty.
She said: “The most common was ‘why did you have children then?’ which is just a silly question. And I hope your kids never see that video.”
But Lucy wants parents to know that it’s normal to feel like you need some time away from the kids.
She said: “It’s okay to ask for a break. It’s okay not to want to be around your kids 24/7. If it hurts your health or mental health, try to do something that will help. If you’re not at your best, it rubs off on the kids. That’s when they suffer.”
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Image Source : nypost.com